June 2009
52 posts
fmylife:
Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get payed. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML
awww
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I have no friends.
fmylife:
Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said “is the ground beef in the freezer still good?” and when I answered “yes,” he turned and walked out of the room. FML
She reminds him of ground beef, that ain’t bad.
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I hate people who sit right next to me in a movie...
(via bennybing)
My rant on being a woman:
Me: tampons?
Noel: what
Me: who wants to fucking walk around with something that resembles a minature dildo
penetrating their vagina
Noel: apparently women
Me: I don't wanna fucking saggy vagina by the time I'm 20 years old just because of fucking mother nature
Me: and forget pads
Me: I'm not walking around feeling like a fucking 2 year old with a load in my pants
Noel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: because i don't want a fucking dildo in my body for 5+ days
Me: so what are we supposed to do
Me: AND ON TOP OF THAT
Me: WE GET FUCKING CRAMPS,
Me: I AM FAT AS A WHALE RIGHT NOW.
Me: AND MY UTERUS IS CRYING BLOOD.
Me: WHICH IS THEN POURING OUT OF MY VAGINA.
Me: AND THE DILDO
Me: DOESN'T
Me: EVEN
Me: WORK.
Noel: IM FUCKING CREYING
Noel: CRYING*
Noel: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Noel: THANK GOD I HAVE A PENIS
Me: LMFAOOOOOOOOOO
Noel: congratulations
Noel: this is going on tumblr
Me: LMFAO IT'S GOING ON MINE TOO
20 Bizarre And Humorous Medical Facts
thelighthouseisanaccident:
1. One in 5.5 million men in the United States have two penises. (You wish you were that lucky)
2. A passionate kiss uses up 6.4 calories per minute. (See, you burning your energy there)
3. One out of every four orthopedic surgeons has cut or will operate on the wrong limb at some point in his or her career. (Well, after so many years of studies it’s very sure to...
I hate my uterus, and I have the worst cramps...
imlouise:
but my mom is bringing me home salt and vinegar chips.
so that makes life worth living :D
“Bunnies don’t make any sounds…they’re good listeners”
– Samantha the 4 year old (via maryfromarcadia)
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Things You Should Never Watch On YouTube:
forwhenifeellikesharing:
the lancing of a cyst
anything involving the word “parasite”
Chris Crocker (HA!)
a Bot Fly larvae being extracted
worms being taken out of someone’s face or EYE!
anything involving the word “abscess”
So in conclusion: The human race is disgusting. Nature is also disgusting. And I want to live on a space station with robots that clean 24/7 and I will never set foot...
Plumber's Embryonic Twin Spills Out Of Stomach...
thebrewerpatriot:
Gavin Hyatt, 30, explained that the lump forced its way out after lying inside his abdomen since he was born. Medics said the 4cm growth was a parasitic twin that died in the womb early in their mother’s pregnancy.
An operation at Oxford’s John Radcliffe Hospital was canceled at the last minute and he went home. But later he felt a stabbing pain near his belly button. Lifting...
While I’m on the weave subject, Blonde hair weave...
(via bennybing)
